Friday, March 5, 2010

The villain or the hero?

sometimes i need help remembering why i love something.
that seems kind of crazy
but i doubt myself and deny why i'm drawn to certain things in life.

i have this battle going on inside of me right now
where i drift in and out of remembering.
Reality is what you call it, i guess.
And I want to live in this dream more than i want to face reality.
I can't choose.
Deep down, I know i'm meant for it.
I've always felt it... even though i spend the better portion of my days convincing myself i'm not.
I don't exactly know what is keeping me away.
Fear, maybe?
And i use fear as a tactic to build on excuses why I'm still in Ohio...
still holding onto a degree i like to refer to as a "hobby" whenever provoked.
I have literally poked fun at myself without even knowing if it was necessary.
It's like this fucked up defense mechanism
that i've perfected to the point where it's so believable i can fool everyone around me-
and myself.

I don't know where to begin though.
I look around and all i see are options but for some reason i can't move.
I'm waiting for something to happen
but i'm so sensitive that even the thought of something bad or good scares me to death.

I don't know where i am...

1 comment:

Chelsea Martinez said...

I enjoyed reading your blog. Your thoughts are very much in line with yours, we simply express ourselves different. Keep writing, it cleanses the soul.

Chelsea Martinez :)