The villain or the hero?

sometimes i need help remembering why i love something.

that seems kind of crazy

but i doubt myself and deny why i'm drawn to certain things in life.

i have this battle going on inside of me right now

where i drift in and out of remembering.

Reality is what you call it, i guess.

And I want to live in this dream more than i want to face reality.

I can't choose.

Deep down, I know i'm meant for it.

I've always felt it... even though i spend the better portion of my days convincing myself i'm not.

I don't exactly know what is keeping me away.

Fear, maybe?

And i use fear as a tactic to build on excuses why I'm still in Ohio...

still holding onto a degree i like to refer to as a "hobby" whenever provoked.

I have literally poked fun at myself without even knowing if it was necessary.

It's like this fucked up defense mechanism

that i've perfected to the point where it's so believable i can fool everyone around me-

and myself.

I don't know where to begin though.

I look around and all i see are options but for some reason i can't move.

I'm waiting for something to happen

but i'm so sensitive that even the thought of something bad or good scares me to death.

I don't know where i am...