Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Checklist... no, Requirements. [for these alleged childish men if i ever decide to give one a chance.]

1. Not a commitment phobe. [ but no, i don't want a ring either.]
2. Has a steady job/on their way to one.
3. No insane family members - especially the mother. [ family means too much for me to have to avoid them all the time. can't and won't do it.]
4. Balance between manliness and sensitivity. Absolutely NO hyper masculine or "14 year old whiney chick on her period" personalities. No exceptions.
5. LITERATE. Cannot stress this enough. Reading does not mean browsing the celebrity magazines at the checkout counter.
6. Literate but not BORING. Adventures welcomed and encouraged.
7. Honesty. No beating around the bush - you have a problem, you fucking say it - And likewise, of course.
8. Supportive. My life is crazy; fact. BUT don't expect me to drop everything because you can't keep up. Not happening. So sorry.
9. Must like my ridiculous/random/clumsy/awkward nature. I am who i am. If it bugs you, then die. HA! No, don't die... just don't try to make me someone i'm not.
10. If you can cook, that would be great. If not, we're having cereal or toast for dinner every night. Hope you enjoy it.
11. Must love children. Here's the thing... i want kids someday. That doesn't mean i want them right now and you just have to deal with it. It means, it is in my future. I was definitely meant to be a mother. And I believe a child needs a mother and a father. So... you do the math.
12. Isn't a leech. Guys are meant to have guy time. Just like girls need to have their girl time. So if you have no friends and only want you and I to hang out every second of the day with no one else ever... then forget you. I support.. no, I ENCOURAGE that you have your group of friends and I have mine. Case closed.
13. No mega-ego idiots. Let's get one thing straight, you telling me how naked chicks are constantly lining up to be with you...even though you say no.... isn't going to make me jealous and want you even more... oh no.. it'll do the opposite. I will lose respect for you and not want to be around you even more. So this whole jealousy thing, yeah, it won't work on me, bud.
14. A respectful gentlemen. I'll be perfectly blunt on this one...I'm not going to have sex with you. No, really. I'm not. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week. That isn't how i work. If you're not man enough to wait until we're in a long-term, mutally respectful relationship where we both feel it is the right time... then move the fuck on. I have WAY more values for myself. I'm not some girl you can just hookup with. And if you don't like that... i don't care. Furthermore, chivalry isn't dead... so use it once in awhile.
15. A man, not a boy. I'm not your mom. I'm not your maid. I'm not your babysitter. Take care of your own shit or go back to the playpin. I'm happy to help you out with something or do thoughtful things like make you cookies but don't expect me to clean up after you and be at your beck and call. Never going to happen. I'm not from the fucking 1950s.

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