Forward on.

"Telling the future by looking at the past

assumes that conditions remain constant.

This is like driving a car by looking in the rearview mirror."

I'm not sure

how i can feel so happy about something

and yet

so incredibly, overwhelmingly, painfully scared

that it is just going to walk out the door

the minute i'm not looking.

i have a problem.

i can admit it.

hello, my name is Kate and i have a problem.

anytime something good happens to me

i'm scared to death it is going to abandon me.

i'm going to love it

and then it is going to run clear in the opposite direction.

that sounds childish.

and it is.

but i can't help shake the feeling.

I've already experienced it before

more times than my heart can admit at the moment

and it crushed me to pieces.

i don't want to hold back or miss out

because of this stupid childhood fear

but i can already feel myself being hesitant.

Despite the fact i'm becoming more attached

...to all of them...

and that frightens me.

I can't allow myself to back out or run away like i always do.

it is different this time.

i don't want to run away.

at all.

i can't let things that went wrong in the past

dictate what is going to happen in the future.

i don't know what is going to happen

and i can try and shelter myself

so that i don't get severely hurt like before

but how is that really learning from my mistakes?

you guessed it,

it isn't.

So

its time i stopped looking back

and start looking right in front of me.