Wednesday, August 13, 2008

i confess, do you detest?

I am just me.
Just Kate.
I over-analyze everything.
I put on 4 different types of lotion every time i get out of the shower.
And yes, to me it's necessary.
I could eat an entire bag of Raisinettes in one sitting.
I cannot sleep without a blanket, even if it's 90 degrees out.
I find comfort in fictional characters.
I'm clumsy.
My shirt is never fully clean
and i can barely walk 3 feet without stumbling over myself.
I'm extremely difficult.
I hate double standards and will call you out on them...
to your face.
I still get nervous singing in front of people
even though i've been on stage numerous times.
I can't go to sleep until both my closet doors are shut and my night light is on.
I constantly allow people to walk all over me because when my mom left my family, i had no choice but to do what i was told and shut up about it.
I love flirting with danger...
The idea of something bad possibly happening excites me
it makes my blood pump and my head rush.
I freak out about school work, my body image, and how people see me.
I'm not very fond of driving, it kills my nerves.
I hate professional baseball.
I never finish my drink.
I'm probably dehydrated 99% of the time.
I rarely do what i know is best for me.
And i fucking hate being ignored... even if it's a joke.

That is me.
I am filled to the brim with flaws.
I could list about 100 more too... on a daily basis.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not even close.
But... i have never once claimed to be.

I am just me.
Just Kate.
A girl who knows she isn't perfect
knows she has a lot to work on
knows that she will continue to keep changing
keep evolving
keep adding to her list of self-improvement.

The only thing that i have
that is fully steadfast
fully pure
fully strong
and fully ready to give it's entirety to another human being despite everything
is my heart.

That is all i have to offer anyone.
That is the only thing that,
i hope,
would help anyone oversee all my faults
all my failures
and know that i am worth it.
regardless of everything else.

and i am.
i promise, i am.

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