Friday, April 2, 2010

My life is an experiment in FAILURE.

Proof i am the clumsiest, most unlucky, retarded woman in the history of mankind. This is only a small glimpse too. My knee, thigh, and ankle are bruised even worse. I FAIL AT LIFE!

Today my lovely sister and i went for a bike ride.
It was extremely crowded because of the unusually nice Ohio weather.
The path we bike on is by a small river and there were turtles sunbathing on stray branches in the water.
I decided to let my inner 5 year old out and started singing (no lie):


we were both laughing
and then come up to a large bridge where most people stop and look at the turtles swimming in the stilled water.
we're going at a hefty pace and there are maybe 15+ people standing around.
I start singing again
and then look down at the water and THINK i see a turtle
so i get excited
and the next thing i know
I smash into the side rail
hit the bike roughly against the side
loose control
am thrown from the bike
hit the hard wooden planks
roll once
and ram into the other side of the rail
all in 2.5 seconds.

I get up instantly in embarrassment
and pick up my bike while my sister turns back around to help.
I wiped out and ate fucking cement
and every single person on the bridge saw.

No way i could hide this one.

I completely wrecked the bike
which happened to be my dad's
( yeah, he's pissed)
and now the entire left side of my body
is black and blue.


Seriously, i thought i'd grow out of this whole clumsy thing
about 20 years ago.
I need camera crews-
so i can at least bank off the fact my life is an experiment in failure.
Ugh, my body hurts.
i need to stop being such a clumsy idiot.
this is getting ridiculous.

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