Saturday, January 23, 2010


today i was looking at pictures of when i broke my heel.
when i was on crutches
and in that horrible spaceboot of a cast.
so much pain.
not just because of my broken bone...
it was just the most painful time of my entire life.

its hard for me to look at those photos.
all i remember is lying in bed and never, ever wanting to get up.
everything hurt.

i remember the first time i tried to walk after getting it cleared that i could actually try. I was standing at the entrance of my kitchen holding myself up by the counter... and i put my weak foot down on the cold floor...then i put the tiniest bit of pressure on it to attempt to walk... and the pain was so unbearable i thought my foot was going to break off into a million pieces right then and there. It was the first and only time in my life where i thought, " This is never, ever going to get any better." And then i cried.

Eventually i did overcome it
and now i can run again without much problem.
but the pain of that time in my life
is still so fragile
and fresh in my mind.

I feel like i'm still walking on paper-thin ice as it begins to crack all around me every time i take even one step forward.

sometimes i think...maybe i should just run.

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