Perpetually confused.

I've been feeling really out of the loop lately.

Everything is confusing

and i'm trying so incredibly hard not to weave an intricate web.

This morning when i woke up, i immediately felt this huge pressure on my chest.

maybe from bad dreams

maybe from stressing over small things like i always do

but

despite it all...

all my worries, the big and the small,

I can't help but feel a strange kind of peace and acceptance

and most importantly

natural beauty

happening all around me.

Autumn is such a magical time of year.

my favorite by far,

and even though i have no idea what the hell i'm doing with my life

or with the people coming into it

i can't help but feel entirely happy.

It is so beautiful outside.

The colors and the smell and the cool air.

It just makes me feel like everything i'm stressing about

doesn't really matter as much as i think it does.

I always, always, always

have said the way to my heart is through the small, subtle things.

and lately, i feel like that couldn't be more true.

I feel it everywhere right now.

It's in the way the leaves dance around in the wind when i'm driving

and how i have to stop myself from admiring them because i might wreck the car.

or the way my dad and i playfully compete at the gym to see who can go faster on the machine.

or the togetherness of my family when we're sitting at the dinner table.

or the warm feeling of linking hands and having a sense of complete safety.

or the way he looks at me like i'm absolutely beautiful when i'm doing nothing but looking out the window of his vehicle while we sing along to whatever song is playing on the stereo.

i remember those things...

all of them

and they're exactly why i cannot allow myself to feel even the least bit sad

or stressed

or worried

or perpetually confused

like i always seem to be when life throws me a curve ball.

my life is running at full speed in every single direction possible

but i'm stopping to notice the small things that i sometimes miss

because in all honesty

they are the biggest and most important moments to me.

and i need to remember that.

i have to remember that to survive.

Autumn helps me remember all of those remarkable yet tiny instances about my life

and i am so fucking thankful for it all.