Saturday, May 23, 2009


I couldn't fall asleep last night
i tried for hours but i ended up
just laying there
overheated, irritated, uncomfortable
finally around 5am
i decided to try again once more
and luckily i fell right into it.

only it wasn't good sleep.

i had a nightmare
of being surrounded by kind strangers
ones who brought me gifts
gave me compliments
showed me comfort and belonging
and in the middle of everything
i found myself locked in a bathroom
bleeding to death from my stomach.

the blood poured
and i felt like i was being drained from within.
I was paralyzed 
I could feel my body swaying toward empty
and all i could do
was watch the dark blood stain the beautiful lace on my dress.

i woke up
in severe panic and acceptance
to my ordinary crimson sheets
and thought for sure 
I was already dead. 

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