soaked.

I couldn't fall asleep last night

i tried for hours but i ended up

just laying there

overheated, irritated, uncomfortable

finally around 5am

i decided to try again once more

and luckily i fell right into it.

only it wasn't good sleep.

i had a nightmare

of being surrounded by kind strangers

ones who brought me gifts

gave me compliments

showed me comfort and belonging

and in the middle of everything

i found myself locked in a bathroom

bleeding to death from my stomach.

the blood poured

and i felt like i was being drained from within.

I was paralyzed 

I could feel my body swaying toward empty

and all i could do

was watch the dark blood stain the beautiful lace on my dress.

i woke up

in severe panic and acceptance

to my ordinary crimson sheets

and thought for sure 

I was already dead.