My life is an experiment in FAILURE.

Proof i am the clumsiest, most unlucky, retarded woman in the history of mankind. This is only a small glimpse too. My knee, thigh, and ankle are bruised even worse. I FAIL AT LIFE!




Today my lovely sister and i went for a bike ride.

It was extremely crowded because of the unusually nice Ohio weather.

The path we bike on is by a small river and there were turtles sunbathing on stray branches in the water.

I decided to let my inner 5 year old out and started singing (no lie):

" TURRRRRTLES! TURRRRRTLES!

BIG AND SMALLL!

TUUURRRRTLES! TUURRRTLES!

WE LOVE THEM ALL!"

we were both laughing

and then come up to a large bridge where most people stop and look at the turtles swimming in the stilled water.

we're going at a hefty pace and there are maybe 15+ people standing around.

I start singing again

and then look down at the water and THINK i see a turtle

so i get excited

and the next thing i know

BAM!

I smash into the side rail

hit the bike roughly against the side

loose control

am thrown from the bike

hit the hard wooden planks

roll once

and ram into the other side of the rail

all in 2.5 seconds.

I get up instantly in embarrassment

and pick up my bike while my sister turns back around to help.

EVERYONE saw.

I wiped out and ate fucking cement

and every single person on the bridge saw.

No way i could hide this one.

I completely wrecked the bike

which happened to be my dad's

( yeah, he's pissed)

and now the entire left side of my body

is black and blue.

FUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!

Seriously, i thought i'd grow out of this whole clumsy thing

about 20 years ago.

I need camera crews-

so i can at least bank off the fact my life is an experiment in failure.

Ugh, my body hurts.

i need to stop being such a clumsy idiot.

this is getting ridiculous.